Monday Mark

Last week was Christmas week. I made Peanut Butter Balls, ate quite a few of them, drank hot chocolate and indulged in much more food than I planned. I lost half a pound-that half a pound it strictly the result of exercise, not diet. Now, Christmas is over and it's time to get serious. The sweets and richly caloric food are out of the house, and on the menu for this week are healthy meals. It's all planned out. Let's hope I stick to it!

I ran for the second time since starting this journey, and it felt good. It wasn't anything impressive. 6 minutes total. 2 X 1 minute and 2 X 2 minutes. Like I said, nothing impressive but I have to start somewhere! From my house to one of the stoplights and back is 2 miles, but I'm not measuring distance. I would like to run at least 2 times a week. I think that would be enough for me to keep whatever endurance I build and prevent injury. Any running advice is welcome! After the run Thursday, I took an exercise break on Christmas that lasted until this a.m. I haven't gone hiking, even though the opportunity was there. My motivation level was so low. I've felt very lazy for the past 3 days-part of that has to do with a new book I got for Christmas. I've been glued to it!

Next week Liesl and I are going to be traveling with a friend and her 2 children to South Carolina. We'll meet up with my mom and then my mom, Liesl and I are going to the beach until Friday! I'm excited about this mini vacation. My mom will, hopefully, benefit from it and so will we. I am, also, thrilled with the chance to workout at a real gym for 4 days! It will be a nice break from Jillian.

Monday Mark

I am ecstatic. Well, maybe not ecstatic but I am pleased with the results from this past week. I lost only 1 pound again and another 2.75 inches, BUT, this 1 pound puts my weight loss total into double digits!! So far I have lost a total of 10 pounds! All during the holidays!

I worked out for the usual amount- no extra workouts in like I planned because I got sick this week. My appetite this past week, though, increased exponentially! It's not like I've been glued to a strict caloric amount each day and so, when around Tuesday, I began to be ravenous at mealtimes I was shocked. Then Friday came and, well, let's just say girls have all kinds of hormonal stuff that puts additional roadblocks in the way of weight loss. At least I'll know what to expect each month.

This coming week is Christmas and I have a menu laid out so I know what to expect each day. There are possible temptations as we will be having Christmas dinner at my brothers and I have to make Peanut Butter Balls. I just need to plan for extra calories that day, or plan an extra workout. Another great thing about Christmas is that Michael is off Friday and Monday which enables me to diversify my workouts because I'll have access to the car. I plan on much hiking!!!!

I hope everyone has a wonderful, healthy and Merry Christmas!

Monday Mark

The weekends are tripping me up. I get in a good rhythm during the week and then it all goes to the dogs on the weekend. One thing lead to another and we ate at a fast food joint twice this weekend. It is amazing, though, how full I got after just eating a sandwich without the fries. I probably could/should have stopped at half a sandwich!

This past week has me one pound lighter and 2.75 inches lighter. On my second "rest" day from the DVD, I went for a walk at Rotary Park. The trail is rocky, hilly, and not well marked. I passed through a couple of creeks along the way, too. Halfway into the walk, I got a phone call from Michael telling me to rush home because Liesl had gotten under the sink and swallowed "Goo Gone". She needed to go to the hospital. I felt so helpless, as I'm sure he did. Luckily, we live a mere 1.5 miles from the hospital so Michael headed out on foot with our daughter. Once on the main road, a kind Samaritan offered Michael a ride to the hospital. Meanwhile, back in the middle of the trail, I tucked my camera in the bag on my back and started running. I ran through the creeks, over ice, on a winding, barely familiar, trail. The only thing going through my mind was "my baby is sick and I'm left up to my feet and physical fitness to get me to her". Once at the car, I high tailed it to the E.R. Liesl had to stay for a couple of hours of observation but she is o.k.

The "walk in the park" this weekend proved something to me: I can run. Not just jog, but run. I've been afraid to run because the potential for injury is so much greater due to the extra weight I'm carrying, but, if it's only for 2 days a week, I think it's safe.

Tuesday is my next "rest" day and I planning on running...

...not at Rotary Park, but somewhere!

Honestly...

If I'm going to be honest in my success then I surely need to be honest in my failures. I peeked and stepped on the scale yesterday a.m. only to find myself 1 pound lighter. I admit it-I was very disappointed. Last week I took 2 rest days from the '30 Day Shred' but on the 2 off days I still did some kind of physical exercise. This week Wednesday was my rest day and I definitely needed it because I pulled my heel chord during the jump rope exercise the day before! Oops!! There is no setback like a physical injury. Taking that day helped and it's mostly back to normal-I've just had to go lighter on a couple aerobic exercises.

Now, why do I feel like I failed? It's not just the 1 pound...it's what I did later. I had planned a "toddler Christmas party", so to speak. Last week I went and purchased 5 wooden Christmas picture frame ornaments, paint, glitter, paintbrushes, Christmas table cloth, Christmas cookie ingredients, fish sticks for the kids for lunch and a healthy salad mix for the mommies. Heck, I even put garland up in the bathroom! Yesterday comes and the house was clean, the ornaments and paint had been laid out on the table for a couple of days as a reminder to Liesl that something special was happening on Friday, the cookie dough was prepared the night before and in the refrigerator, and Christmas music was blaring.




Then, one of my friend's called and wasn't coming. I was bummed...pretty hard. My other friend and I rescheduled for later that day and then she couldn't make it. Double bummed. That's when I made the conscious decision to overeat. I brought out the cookie dough and shoveled it in. Luckily for me, it wasn't very good so I stopped...but I was still wanting something. So I ate another serving of the Buffalo Chicken Meatloaf that I had made the night before from 'The Biggest Loser's Cookbook'. Ironic, isn't it?? Later that night, after my meatloaf sandwich and Caesar salad dinner, I poured myself a huge glass of milk, grabbed a handful of cookies and headed for the bed where I curled up and watched 'It's a Wonderful Life'. *sigh*

It's no one's fault that yesterday wasn't what I planned: life happens, but I don't want to resort to food for healing. Food should never be my comfort. Just because I didn't eat all of the cookies, like I would have before, doesn't mean what I did wasn't wrong. I turned to food for comfort instead of turning the The Comforter . That has always been the problem--who do you run to when life happens and you get disappointed?

I may have fallen yesterday but I won't let that fall keep me down. I know Who to turn to to pick me up.

"I know all about the despair of overcoming chronic temptation. It is not serious, provided self-offended petulance, annoyance at breaking records, impatience,etc., don't get the upperhand. No amount of falls will really undo us if we keep on picking ourselves up each time. We shall of course be very muddy and tattered children by the time we reach home. But the bathrooms are all ready, the towels put out and the clean clothes in the airing cupboard. The only fatal thing is to lose one's temper and give it up. It is when we notice the dirt that God is most present in us: it is the very sign of His presence." -Letters of C.S. Lewis

Monday Mark

Oh, the weekend...how bittersweet you are. On one hand, Michael and I get to spend time as a family. On the other hand, I have more freedom because the car is available and after being at home for most of the week, I want OUT! This weekend we were going to have a "date night" while Liesl slept--Pizza and a movie. I had prepared myself mentally and calorie wise for pizza. I was careful all day. When we went to get the pizza from New York Pizza, we were saddened to see that they've been on vacation all week and weren't open. Boo. Now, for plan B- CiCi's Pizza. I thought it was a good compromise because they had salad and pizza. I wasn't prepared for the cinnamon buns!!!!!!!! MMMmmmMMMmMmmM so yummy. Plus, I had a coke.

Sunday was o.k. I didn't eat much for lunch but went on a 3.5 mile walk instead. Of course, I was pooped after that and still had to be coherent enough for choir practice so I used the Starbucks gift card that's been burning a hole in my pocket for months.

Peppermint Mocha Frappuccino Grande. My standard Christmas drink.

After church, dinner was salsa, green onions, reduced fat sour cream and tortilla chips. My biggest mistake this weekend was when I bought Christmas M&M's in preparation for Friday (toddler Christmas shindig thingy!) where I plan on making cookies using Christmas M&M's and chocolate chips. Rather than leaving them in the cupboard, I opened them. Last night, while playing a video game with Michael, I had the munchies and the M&M's did the trick. I stopped myself after a few large handfuls and gave the back to the hubby. As of right now, the M&M's and chocolate chips for Friday's Christmas cookies are in the car headed to work with Michael where they will be safe!

After my so-so weekend, I stepped on the scale this morning with my head hung low. I was pleasantly surprised to find that I didn't gain weight, but didn't lose any either. I'll take it! After measuring myself this morning, I've lost 3.75 inches this past week. s l o w l y it seems, but I know that 5 pounds and 3.75 inches is a lot to lose in a week. It seems slow when you put weight on so fast!


Here's a picture taken Sunday at church. I don't have many pictures of myself taken these days but this is for my Grandmother-in-love so it had to be done. I'll get a full length picture on here one of these days!

Here is to a healhty, active week!

Pudding

You know the saying "the proof is in the pudding." Well, I had that pudding; that warm, gooey, chocolatey pudding and it was good. Every year I always watch 'Little Women' and eat warm pudding, this year was no different. With the holiday season in full swing I am trying to find a balance between eating healthy and not completely depriving myself of they yummy sweets the season brings with it. So far, the balance this week has been successful but it's required my constant attention. I would much prefer putting on my blinding shades and digging in.

Thanksgiving week was last week and while I didn't lose weight, I did lose inches. 4 and a half to be exact :) Mexican food, ice cream, stuffing and mashed potatoes were the major contributors to my not losing weight. Jillian Michael's, and waking up at 5 every morning, is the reason I lost inches. Woot!

I've told myself that I would only step on the scale once a week on Monday. I just couldn't resist this week. I've controlled my eating and worked out pretty hard so I wanted a peek. I'm glad I did, although I won't call this official until Monday. 5 lbs--since Monday! (And that's after breakfast!) It was like Christmas morning! Now, all I have to do is be mindful this weekend. Weekend's are usually the hardest because Michael's home and I relax a bit more.

Mondays I will start posting my weight loss or gain (I am soooo not brave enough to post my actual weight..yet) and inches lost. See you then!

it's the little things

Yesterday was a small glimpse of things to come. I know during the next few weeks it's going to be hard to stay focused on eating healthy with the holidays coming, but I also remember that the first few weeks after altering your diet leads to withdrawls. For me, sugar withdrawl is going to be the kicker.

A few months ago I purchased Jillian Michaels DVD 'Banish Fat, Boost Metabolism'. If you've seen The Biggest Loser, you'll know that she is intense. This workout is no different. It's roughly 60 minutes of hardcore cardio. I've only exercised with it 3 times in 3 months. Michael, in his infinite wisdom, told me that 60 minutes of an intense workout is a lot to expect of someone that hasn't worked out in years. True. So, after reading reviews and reading about a friend working out to this DVD, I went to Target last night to purchase the '30 Day Shred' by Jillian Michaels because each workout is only 20 minutes. I can handle 20 minutes over 60 any day. While on the way to Target, I reviewed how many calories I had eaten that day and determined I still could eat more. My sweet tooth was pulsing. I would get a candy bar! After all, being really good 2 days in a row merited me something sweet, right? Wrong. I got to Target, found the DVD (on sale for $9, by the way), looked at toys and clothes for Liesl and walked right passed the candy section. I decided I couldn't buy a workout DVD and a candy bar at the same time. However, it didn't stop me from driving, out of my way, to Wendy's. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't ruin the hard work I put in over these past few days. Instead, I went home, popped the DVD in to see what I had in store and ate an 80 calorie packet of Liesl's fruit gummies. Turning down candy or ice cream is just something I don't do. I guess it is now.

By the way, the '30 Day Shred' workout this morning was quite intense. Halfway through I had to pause it to go throw up. BUT-I went back in and finished it. I was nauseated for the next half hour, though. I plan on doing the Level 1 longer than just 10 days because I know I won't be ready to advance any further. This might become the 3 month shred, or even 3 year shred depending on how intense the next levels are, instead of 30 days. I love that it's a full workout in 20 minutes. It gives me much more "me" time during Liesl's naps than a 60 minute dvd does. I can't wait to do it again tomorrow!

Memories

This is supposed to be a blog about losing weight and becoming healthier, however, with Thanksgiving nearly here, my mind has been on my father. My friend has a website and she asked for people to share their Thanksgiving memories and recipes. I began to think and all but the last 3 Thanksgiving's have been spent with my Dad. That was his holiday-he shined on that day. So, in a way this is going to be about health. Instead of me running to food for comfort I'm going to share what's on my mind.

Regret, I guess, can be typical when someone dies suddenly. Dad was diagnosed with cancer in September. They found out it was Stage 3b Lung Cancer with a bleak prognosis in early October and I was in South Carolina by the end of the week. I had prepared myself for having 3 months left with him. Not less than 2 weeks.

Last Christmas, I made Michael's favorite meal, chicken and dumplings, from scratch and called my dad to brag. He was very proud of his newly domesticated daughter. Chicken and dumplings just happens to be his ultimate favorite meal and he was looking forward to sampling a big, fat bowl of my dumplings when I next visited. The day after Michael, Liesl and I arrived in SC, dad was admitted in the hospital and a week later discharged. His throat was burned so badly from the radiation that he could barely swallow. I decided to wait until he could swallow without pain to make the dumplings. I wanted him to enjoy it.

I never made the dumplings.

Saturday, October 24, Dad came out of the shower with a handful of hair. Radiation and chemo were finally catching up to him. I told him I'd give him a hair cut if he wanted. He told me that Sunday, after church, he'd let me take the clippers to his hair. His barely greying, slick, ebony hair was falling out so he was ready to be rid of it. I told him I'd knit him a hat, which I was already planning on doing, for him to wear under his baseball caps. It was going to be black and garnet-USC Gamecock colors. He told me he was look forward to wearing it.

I never clipped his hair or knit the hat. The very next day is when the ambulance came to take him away, never to return.

My sister and her husband were planning on coming up for Thanksgiving. Dad was prepared to make 2 turkeys this year: one in the deep fryer and one in the oven with the oh-so delicious, secret family recipe, stuffing. I was excited about waking up before the rooster crowed to shadow daddy while he prepared the "secret" recipe stuffing. I say "secret" because it's not written down. Dad knew exactly what went in the stuffing and he never measured anything. My sister had learned how to make it from him a couple of years past and it was my turn to learn. Funny, though, Dad hated onions with a passion and wouldn't touch the stuffing; mom was the taste tester, and growing up Charlie and I would taste test. Of course, I didn't always "officially" taste test- I usually sneaked a couple of bites. The making of the Thanksgiving turkey and dressing was an all morning and some of the afternoon process.

I never learned to make the stuffing.

I have always loved singing. Dad has always loved hearing me sing. Even when he wasn't going to church, if he knew I was singing and I asked him to go, he would be there. Living 500 miles away takes it's toll on a relationship. When I would visit, the last thing I wanted to do was sing at church and, call me crazy, but it's just weird sitting in a living room singing in front of your family while they listen. I know it's not that weird but it brought me out my comfort zone.

When dad was first diagnosed with cancer mom told me that he didn't want me to sing at his funeral. I've sang at my fair share of funerals but singing at my own fathers' is a bit much to ask; still, I wanted to know why. Dad had told her that if he couldn't hear me sing, he didn't want anyone else to hear me sing at his funeral. Little did I know how soon that would be. Dad was rushed to the E.R. on a Sunday and died on a Wednesday. When I went to see him on Monday I knew that no matter how uncomfortable I felt or embarrassed I was in front of the nurses that he would want me to sing to him. So I sang. Every opportunity I had to see him, I sang. After he was released from life support, his heart rate stayed steady in the 80's. My sister went to see him and sang to him and it dropped to the 40's. A few hours passed until I made it up to the hospital again and mom left me alone with him. I prayed with him and sang to him and his heart rate dropped to the 20's. The family gathered in the room and my sister and I sang all 4 verses of 'Amazing Grace' and then the first verse again while his heart rate bounced from 16 or 17 to 0. I knew I couldn't stop singing so I sang the first verse of 'My Jesus, I Love Thee'. Right after the lyric "If ever I love Thee...", his heart rate reached zero never to come back up.

I finally sang for my daddy.

This Thanksgiving day, I will try my hand at a far less superior stuffing, knit away at Christmas gifts and look forward to making chicken and dumplings for my family on Christmas Day. I wish I could have learned to make the stuffing from dad, knit him a hat and made him my homemade chicken and dumplings, but at least I sang.

One Thing

...there has always been one thing about myself that I never liked and have always wanted to change. It's the one thing most women obsess over. That one thing is my weight.

All my life weight has been my biggest issue. I've tried to lose weight before and failed, and I've tried to lose weight before and succeeded...only to gain it back. This past year has been a rollercoaster for me. Adjusting to life as a stay at home mommy (with postpartum depression), living in a new house in a new town with no car to my name, finding a church and, most recently, being in South Carolina for an entire month to visit with my sick father and being slapped in the face with dealing with his death instead.

Food has been my comfort. My go to. There is no doubt that ice cream, Chinese food, Mexican food and many more personal favorites have helped numb the pain and stress that life has brought. However, I am starting to realize if I value and respect the life God has given me, I need to break this addiction because it's a slow suicide. Diabetes, heart disease, gastrointestinal diseases, high blood pressure and a laundry list of other ailments run in my immediate family. It's not as if I'm the black sheep obese family member; it's an ugly trend. But the cycle must be broken while I'm still young and before it's too late.

From blogging I'm hoping to stay in tuned with myself and stay accountable to others. My plan for this week is to truly watch what goes in my mouth instead of turning a blind eye, and to establish a workout regime. There is no time like the present...